Tech god elBenbo’s software company is hiring
Published: Sun, 11/22/20
But I do co-own two tech/software companies. And one of them — Learnistic — is hiring for the helpdesk. However, if you do happen to be interested in working for us, heed the following very carefully before reading the details:
Do NOT reply to this email asking me any questions about the job.
Any such questions sent to me will be ignored, and whoever sends it immediately disqualified.
Why?
Because they’ve already shown they can't follow even very simple instructions.
And we can't have such types on the Helpdesk for what should be obvious reasons.
All right, here are the bare minimum requirements:
+ Know what a clock is and it legitimately bothers you when others are late.
+ Able to put up with my business partner Troy Broussard’s brash & ill-tempered demeanor without needing a mental health day if he corrects you. That goes double when dealing with our project manager Nicole “Grim Reaper” English, who you’ll be dealing with most of the time.
+ Are able to follow clearly laid out instructions & get annoyed by people who can’t.
+ Are not a low information person who uses terms like: “follow the science!” or “trust the plan!” or “the science is settled!” or “climate denier!” or “follow the process!” or "wear the mask!" etc. If you like to say or post such things on Facebook then it's obvious you make decisions based on needy social media signaling, low IQ hashtag propaganda, or what hollow-minded media-created experts say... and not the scientific method all Learnistic employees are required to use (the app's inventor, Troy Broussard, is a Navy Nuclear engineer, and mandates it) to help find software bugs, which is an extremely important part of the job. If this bothers, offends, or makes you go "huh?" that’s good. We just potentially saved both you and us a lot of time.
+ Prefer to work alone and independently… and does not need or want hand-holding.
+ Have at least a handshake acquaintance with CRM, Zapier, Google Sheets scripting or other automation software.
+ Genuinely likes to work hard & despises lazy people who don't.
+ Have patience with people who need help with technological matters, to walk them through even the most elementary of tasks without wanting to throw your computer through a window.
+ Have a firm & FULL grasp on the English language and grammar.
+ Be able to work flexible hours between 9am and 5pm EST. (This is NOT negotiable — if you cannot work these exact hours, you’re already dead in the water for this job.)
+ Show up on time and ready to work your gluteus assimus off.
+ Be perfectly okay with starting part-time exclusively on the Helpdesk, and potentially (no guarantees) grow into a full time position with more responsibility only AFTER proving yourself. If you think this can't happen, ask Grim Reaper Nicole who got a "battlefield commission" very early on - and now all but runs the joint - simply because she works her arse off, has extreme levels of ambition, takes even the smallest task as seriously as if her own life is at stake (literally - huge lesson in that), and makes herself invaluable.
We want more people like that.
Speaking of pay:
This is a 20/hr a week contractor position and at least the first 90 days will be considered probationary at only $1,500 per month. And even then you will always be on probation after that. Where it goes from there is really up to you and how well you fit within the Learnistic Crew — especially with how well you work with the Grim Reaper Nicole. You step out of line with her, make one false move, or make her job more difficult in any way, and you’re out. And don’t think you’re the first.
We will simply let you through the door if you get the job.
What you do on the other side of it is entirely up to you.
If that description sounds doable, then here’s what to do:
1. Send an email to help@learnistic.com saying you’re interested in the HelpDesk along with why you’d want to work with us, especially with the above starting low pay & high expectations
2. And then let the fun begin…
Ben Settle
P.S. For anyone wondering:
If you get the job, you do not get a free Learnistic app. All our employees pay for theirs... and even asking for a free one will instantly disqualify you from the job.
But, that said:
If you survive your trial by water, you will have free access to the Learnistic “Pirates of The Learniceum” Coaching Program (currently $399/month - and going up), for as long as you work for us. Including when it shoots up to $599, $799, and higher over time.
We reward big (the above is just a taste of how we reward), and punish big.
So if you can’t think big, work big, and perform big, you shouldn’t even bother.