Attack of the Mad Swiper

Published: Wed, 07/11/18

Nothing is more entertaining than someone reading my swipe file link on my site, going there thinking they are going to see a “SWIPE FILE!” they can copy & paste, and then getting so rattled when they see what is actually there, that they write me long, inane, emotionally-drenched emails full of nonsense.

Case in point:

I received this beauty of an email below Sunday.

And, it’s by far the best birthday gift I could have possibly gotten.

Here it is, along with my loving commentary (in CAPS):

===

What an ass.
You should be ashamed of yourself!

That's your swipe file?
WTF!

[elBENBO: SOMEONE GET THIS BOY A TISSUE...STAT!]

That's AFTER you've swiped Gary Halbert's letter to write your own sales letters. Even including his quote in your sales letter VERBATIM?

[elBENBO: UH-OH, THE MAD SWIPER ALREADY HAS ME CONFUSED WITH SOMEONE ELSE. THERE ARE NO GARY HALBERT SWIPE JOBS OR QUOTES IN ANY OF MY SALES LETTERS...]


That's disrespect to your audience.

I've signed up to your list because I've been reading Mike Shreeve's blog. He refered to your email copy as "the best".

[elBENBO: THANK YOU MR. SHREEVE! CAN YOU SEND MORE BAT SHYT COPYWRITING FANBOYS LIKE THIS MY WAY? THEY AMUSE AND ENTERTAIN LIKE NOBODY ELSE.]


But you're an asshole.

You learned from late Gary Halbert and other great copywriters. If it's not for them, you'd have no business. And none of them gave their lawyer's bullshit letter as a "swipe-file".

[elBENBO: THIS BLOKE HAS OFFICIALLY REPLACED OLD BEAR AS MY FAVORITE HATER, HE IS *PERFECT*.]


You're literally STEALING from other great copywriters to create your products, man. Oh, but if you guys try to swipe my letter, then my lawyer will blah blah blah. Which is also swiped, I mean STOLEN from Gary Halbert. He was the one who used this strategy. So you didn't even invent anything!

[elBENBO: I HAVE NOT SEEN A RATIONALIZATION HAMSTER LIKE THIS IN YEARS. JUST ASSUMES AND PROJECTS. MAGNIFICENT! I WANT 100 OF THESE GUYS ON MY LIST...]


Go fuck yourself. I would never steal anything from you. Nor would I every buy anything. Cause it's all recycled bullshit. Swiped from someone else.

[elBENBO: MORE MIGHTY FINE PROJECTION. WELL DONE, MY FRIEND!]


I think you should remove that link in honor of Gary Halbert who was generous with his teachings. Or at least change it to something else. Otherwise this will be my testimonial for you and your bullshit products if someone searches them on the web. And I'm not afraid of your fucking lawyers.

[elBENBO: MAYBE HE'S RIGHT... MY SITE ONLY HAS 100+ HOURS OF FREE PODCAST EPISODES & AUDIO/VIDEO CONTENT AND 2000+ BLOG POSTS. MUST RAMP UP MY GENEROSITY GAME...]

=======


All right, enough mockery soup for the soul.

But, speaking of generosity...

Since I am philosophically and theologically against prisons, and since there are few things more horrible to imagine than an innocent man or woman rotting away inside one, I decided to create a fundraiser for the Innocence Project on flakebook.

(They've helped exonerate some 400 innocent people, and counting...)

I'm also matching all donations given through the deadline.

To help the Cause, zip on over to:

https://www.facebook.com/donate/2034585166806720/

Ben Settle