elBenbo saves sane business man from crazy woman
Published: Fri, 02/15/19
Anyway, one of the pieces of advice I gave him was this:
“Encourage her to get back with her ex.”
Why?
Because trying to get a No is - paradoxically - one of the best ways to get a Yes.
And, also, because doing this would eliminate all his neediness, which was the thing holding the guy back, turning her off, and making him miserable. It also would help him know if she really is over the guy and, thus, if he should continue to give her any more of his valuable time and attention.
Predictably, a few girls argued against it, thinking it was intended as some kind of trick.
(i.e. “That wouldn’t work on me!” yada yada yada - which was amusing in its irony)
And, also predictably, Yours Cupid was right, and gave this man his peace of mind and dignity back.
Plus, it helped him dodge one helluva bullet.
Behold:
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so a quick update following what you said:
She got back to me, we met up and hung out, got lunch, etc. and yea she’s talking to the ex and other guys, she’s “confused” etc said she didnt know how to break the news to me and other BS so she went radio silent.
So I was just like “yeah thats great you should totally pursue that, give him a chance, see what happens” etc I was anti-needy the whole time, super relaxed, having fun, making fun of her etc.
She’s already texting me saying she “cant wait” to get together again, we should grab drinks soon” so we’re getting together in a few days.
She totally revealed her cards. I almost want to call this the “intentional friend zone” haha.
By me doing this she revealed all this stuff about her like how she was fucking her business partner, how she had 3 some with just women, how her ex wasnt interested in sex, and so on. All these stories about her.
Of course I am just sitting there saying hardly anything, laid back and she’s suddenly super opening up to me.
Will we have hook up again? Who knows and after hearing all her stories, I’m not nearly as attracted to her as before. Isnt that interesting how that works? She’s got a good social circle so I dont mind being friends
Thanks man for everything
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This is, in many ways, sales 101:
Like it or not, believe it or not... the best way to get a "Yes" from someone (dating, sales, whatever) is to try to righteously get a "No." Not as a trick or whatever, but really let your attachment to the outcome go. It puts all someone's cards on the table. Brings out honesty in all parties. And, can save you a lot of time and grief.
In my customer's case, he was now in complete control of his emotions about her.
And, he essentially flipped the script:
He could choose if they went forward or not.
Anyway, I talked about this idea of trying to get a No to get what you want — whether in your personal relationships or business relationships with clients, customers, etc — in one of the “Email Players” issues inside the Villains-Time Day bundle sale I’m having this weekend.
Details at:
http://www.emailplayers.com/villains-day
Ben Settle
P.S. For more proof my wicked ways with this topic work, here is a recent update from my customer:
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“I’m still friends with this girl. Just friends though. I dodged a bullet on this one. Good friend material, but not girlfriend material.
The lesson I learned is that neediness makes no sense. It makes you blind. I was wanting someone I didnt really know about.
It would have been horrible if I dated her and then found out things about her later on that are a total turnoff and just not what I want
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There are many parallels between the dating and business worlds.
And I go through a lot of them in the 4-issue bundle of “Email Players” issues on sale this weekend here:
http://www.emailplayers.com/villains-day